More To The Story

There is a lot of back story between my life with Nick as it is now. This story begins in the summer of my sophomore year of college. I had a little over a week of summer left before I would travel back to school to start classes again when I decided I wasn't going to go back. I would go back to my college town to live, but I didn't want to do the whole school thing. It just wasn't for me, I came to realize. What really pushed me to make this realization was a conversation Nick and I had a few days prior to that. We talked about my dream of living at the beach, maybe opening a bar or a surf shop and his fantasy of working for a deep sea fishing charter. "We could do that," I said. "Who says we can't?" I was being totally serious. I was actually ready to pack up and move hundreds of miles away from my home to make my dream come true. I didn't see any reason I should let anything stop me. I thought Nick believed in this plan as much as I did. I was wrong.

It's not so much that he didn't believe, but he didn't think it was possible. I wasn't scared. I rarely am. I jump into everything in my life spontaneously and open-mindedly. I like to push boundaries, be the rebel, and do things everyone else is afraid to try. For Nick, these dreams could never be possible. They would never be jobs that would support a family. He couldn't quit school. We didn't have the money. These were the excuses I was given. However, it was too late. I had made up my mind. I was quitting college. Not because I wasn't good at it or didn't like it. Simply, because I felt I didn't need it to achieve my goals.

I couldn't leave him, though. I had to stay in my college town because he was there. So, I spent that year wishing I was somewhere else. He told me so many times to go, but how could I? My life was here. I knew that even though I would be in a new place- and that was all I really ever wanted- I would never be happy if Nick was not there with me. I've spent another whole year here since then, still unsure of my future. As of right now, I do not know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Short-term or long-term. I just don't know. I work as a waitress currently, and no I don't love it. In fact, I despise it. But, right now, I don't know what else to do. I'm not in a hurry, though, I'm happy.

I know two things. One, I want to move far away, someplace I've never been with an amazing view out my window of this miraculous world. Two, I want to be with Nick. Always.

To some people, it sounds like Nick is holding me back. It may sound like some of my dreams and aspirations were put on pause because I'm waiting for him. That's not the case, though. I'm waiting for me. I need to figure out what I want to do before I can make any major adjustments in my life, and Nick helps me to do that.

When Nick graduates and moves away, I will go with him. I would go with him to the moon and back if he asked me to. I know that someday I'll figure out what it is that I want. I already know who I want. The rest is taking a bit longer to figure out, but I'm working on it. I'll never want a real career, anyway, just something to keep me busy, but not suck the life out of me. God, am I thankful for a man like Nick that accepts me and my carefree ways.

Love, Bri