Last night, Nick and I decided to talk about what we didn't like about each other. I know what you're thinking. That we're batshit crazy. You're most likely right about that.
I really don't know how it came about. We were laying in bed, talking. Just about everything and about nothing at the same time. It sounds confusing I guess, but I'm going to assume you know what I mean. It's good to do that every now and then. Talking like that, I mean. Sure, we talk all the time, but sometimes you just really need to talk about your feelings even when nothing at all is wrong.
So, there you have it. We're laying there, arms wrapped around each other's bodies, blankets and pillows tossed haphazardly around our big comfy bed, just saying things. Whatever we felt like saying. That's when Nick said "What's something you hate about me?"I literally gasped because I was that shocked that he would ask something like that. "I could never hate anything about you," I answered, "Don't be an idiot."
"Well, something that you dislike or just don't love..." he was pushing for a response, so I told him to give me a minute, I would think on it. And, I did. I told him that sometimes I wish he was more wild and adventurous, more carefree, more wildly spontaneous. That was the only thing I could think of, and obviously it's not anything that actually bothers me. It was the best I could come up with, though. I made sure that before I answered, he promised to give me a response to that same question.
He didn't really want to because he was afraid to hurt my feelings, but he pinky-swore, so he didn't have any other choice but to tell me. After a few minutes, he ended up saying "It's not that I don't like it, but sometimes it makes me uneasy that the only thing you really have is me. You put your whole life into me." He went on to say that he actually loves that, but it feels like a whole lot of pressure for one person, and sometimes he wishes I would have other things that I could care about that way. Even though he was so sweet when he said it, and truly didn't mean it in a bad way, it still made me sad. I tried so, so hard not to look upset, but he knew he had hurt me in saying that. We kept talking about it, though, and it quickly became okay. He talked the sadness right out of me.
I mean, I do understand where he's coming from by saying what he did. I know how much I have invested in him, and it's not that he doesn't have that same amount invested in me, but at least he loves other things. He has a genuine passion for other aspects of his life, and I don't have that. It's that I try not to, I just don't care about anything enough.
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid to hurt somebody's feelings. When you're in love, you do this all the time anyway completely by accident. So why not do it on purpose? Discuss what you dislike with the person that you love. It puts you on a whole new plane of honesty. It's such a pure and vulnerable moment for both sides. You're afraid to hurt the other person at the same time that you're worrying about that person hurting you. Just be gentle in doing it. Don't be stupid. It is still about love, not hate. It is supposed to be an exercise to help you rather than hurt you, so if you try it, don't take it too far. But, don't be afraid to be open. When it's over, you can heal each other's wounds, kiss the pain away, and feel oh, so satisfied with the level of communication your relationship now has.
Xo, Bri
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